You know how on the airplane, when they give the safety instructions, they always say that in case of an emergency, the parent must always put his own musk first?
I remember as a child it always puzzled me. I couldn’t understand how a parent would choose his own safety over his child. How he would rather care for himself.
It was only when I became a mother, and even then, only after a few years of holding the title, that I began to understand the reason behind those safety instructions.
No matter how much you love your children, you can never help them if you don’t take care of yourself. It’s true for an emergency on an airplane and it’s true always. From both the physical side of things, but also on the emotional level.
So what is a parent responsibility?
There are many of course, but the one I want to elaborate on here is the parental responsibility of making sure you yourself are well and fit to care after your child.
Our children have this incredible ability to see right through us. You can try to hide situations from them, but they feel right through you. They might not be able to tell they know because they do not have the words to verbally put it out there. In fact in many cases they are not really aware enough that they know for information to be handled verbally at all, as much of what they experience stays in the shadows of their subconscious. But you will know they know something is up because they will behave differently.
In many cases, as we are so sure we hide things really well from them, we will not realize their behavior is connected to us. To things that are happening with us.
So being the loving parents that we are we will take them to be checked. We will arrange for them different treatments. We’ll spare no amount of money or energy on our little beauties. We’ll literally go to the end of the earth for them.
When in many many cases, the source of our child’s troubled behavior will be….. Us.
Turning the attention the other way
I believe that one of our most important parental responsibilities is taking care of ourselves. Making sure our physical and emotional are cared for.
Our children are watching and copying unknowingly everything that is us.
The way you dress. The way you talk. Your beliefs. Your attitude towards family. Your attitude towards people that are different from yourself.
But it goes even deeper than that. They watch you give birth to your dreams. Then they observe you follow those dreams. How courageous are you? How much trust you have in life to take you where you wish to get to? How much do you believe you deserve to be happy and have your dreams come true?
Just stop for a second reading this post now and think about your child.
How would you like your child to see you?
What would you like to teach him with regard to dreams and his right to have anything his little beautiful heart desires?
Talking about it won’t do. If you really want him to become what you wish for him, then you need to be that person yourself.
It’s might seem impossible to you.
Yes – we want everything for them, but for us? We’re too… old / scratched by life / busy / tired, aren’t we?
And even if we’re ready to stand up to the challenge, how on earth do I change my deepest beliefs about myself? I want to believe I deserve the best, but I don’t. What can I do?
First let me point out just how amazingly clever nature is. I find it truly astounding that in order to give your child the best, you must become the best version of yourself.
Not pretend to be the best version outwardly by doing the right things. That simply won’t do. If you want to give your child the best parental gift, you will have to become the best TRUE version of yourself.
So basically nature programmed it in a way that in order to give your child the best, you will need to give yourself the best.
Really cool, don’t you think?
That, in my eyes, is THE biggest parental responsibility.
The beauty of it is that it comes with great life changing benefits for you too. It’s completely a win / win. Nature really is so clever.
Right. So how do I do it?
Well the answer to that is both complicated and very simple.
The complicated answer is that we are all different and therefor we will each need different things in order to become the best version of ourselves. Not very helpful, I know. We all know parenthood is a long and winding road..
The simple answer is that if you really let it sink. If you really come to believe that in order for your child to be his best version you must strive to be your own best version so that he can copy your behavior, you will figure it out.
I realized I needed some therapy to improve my beliefs regarding myself. As it helped me tremendously I always recommend that line of action, but other people find different things helpful for them.
The key here is to be aware and to realize it’s a life long assignment that never ends.
I was in tears when I realized my children were affected by my own low self-confidence, but with time, as I figured I had the ability to change it, which changed both theirs and my own life, I realized it was wonderful.
The biggest responsibility has turned out to be the best thing.
I hope you found this intersting. I hopw it will motivate you to try and become the best version of yourself. If you feel like sharing your thoughts and other things, feel free to leave me a massage below.
All the best, Nirit